Things

I am suppose to go over to Moms storage and pick up the things my daughters are asking for. Danielle would like to have Moms Elvis collection. I didn't know this but Mom had told her they were hers when she passed away. I didn't know. I am still having a hard time with things. Last weekend I went to Utah to spend it with Dayna and when I landed I called Robert to let him know I had landed and within just a few minutes of conversation I asked "did my mom call" Why, why did I ask that? I must have been thinking of her and without thinking just asked it as if she I was just talking to her and waiting for a response to something. The holidays are nearing first Halloween, then Thanksgiving then Christmas. I'm not sure what they will be like. I'm not sure what the mood will be like or the feeling. My mother loved holidays. She loved to decorate her home, she was festive, she baked and cooked for days. Always prepared for anyone that stopped at her home during the holidays. She would come over with trays and trays of goodies for the kids.

I think about her and miss her. I walk through the mall and see clothes I knew I would have bought her. I was always buying her clothes. I would see shirts at Macys or anywhere in the mall things I knew were comfortable for her and I would buy them. Always at a sale I had her in mind as I scoured the sales racks just in case. I was at Jennifers house the other day and she handed me moms wallet. It was a nice red leather one. I recognized it right away. I had given it to mom a couple of Christmas's ago. I remember Macy was having one of their super holiday sales and mom needed a new wallet and I grabbed and was happy with my purchase because it was under $30. When mom opened it she was her usual self squealing in delight and how excited she was. I can remember seeing her immediately putting her things in the wallet and saying "Oh Ve (her cousin and partner in crime) will just die, red is her favorite color". Then she smiled and said "Oh thank you its just what I wanted". Mom didn't always get what she "just wanted" and at times she would let you know. I remember her saying once or twice "what am I going to do with this" I even remember her saying once as she peered down at a just given gift "that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen what will I do with it" She was never able to keep her thoughts to herself. Always just saying what she thought. Elvis gifts always made her happy. Anything Elvis. I wonder if we should put that on her headstone? I've been trying to come up with something for her headstone. Nothing yet. Oh well maybe going through her things something will come to me. Hmm her things.

I'm finding I have less and less to say.

The fight.

OMG you can't imagine the calls I've received over the past 24 hours. ALL from relatives who have a theory of my mothers death. It has been said more than once that the belief is that she (that shall not be named) is responsible for my mothers death and that she intentionally sped up the process by denying her her medication and by placing her in a facility with full control of her health care and then denied her health care. I was shocked when several relatives called with the same theory. Now they are asking that my sister and I warn my brother that next will be one of the boys if not him. 3 of my Aunts absolutely believe that it was not my mothers will to die that she was fighting this with everything. My sister and I believed this as well and tried to talk to my brother but he wouldn't hear us, he wouldn't believe us and he wouldn't see things as they were. I think in his mind he just wanted the fight to end. But really its only just begun.

She is gone

My mother is gone. I haven't felt like talking about it. In fact during the entire Funeral services I kept away from crowds. I had Danielle answer my phone and stayed away from email so I wouldn't have to talk about it. My sister had to jump in where I was wasn't able to deal with things. I don't know why but I just couldn't deal with talking about it and every time someone said to me I'm sorry for your loss I wanted to scream. I cried alot My emotions ran high. High enough to make me physically sick. I sat during my mothers wake in a secluded area to the side of the chapel so no one could see me with a blanket over me as if I were a 90 year old lady shivering the entire night. I didn't go to the dinner prepared for us and went straight home and went to bed. I didn't wake up until everyone came home hours later. I miss my mom. I missed that she would have been in the thick of things. I missed that she would have known what to do. I miss that she would have told us what to cook each day and how to deal with the customs and traditions as they were expected of us. I miss her.

My mom and I fought like crazy, two stubborn woman very rarely make for good but I know she loved me. I know she loved my sister and my brother. I know she loved her grand kids. As my aunt V was leaving my house after the services, she said "if you need me to come and house sit like your mom use to do please don't hesitate to call" I smiled and said "oh ya know we never really needed a house sitter, I just knew how my mom always liked to be needed so I would call from time to time and ask her to house sit so she would come over and visit and be needed". She just smiled and said oh well I can do the same.

The family will never be the same. We will not have a reason to call each other, there will be no holiday gatherings for grandma. She is gone

Round trip ticket

I'm writing my talk today to give at my mothers funeral. I don't know why I felt it important to do today but I know the end is coming and I feel a strong urge to be prepared. I guess being prepared some where in my mind equates to being strong. I can tell you that I feel very mentally drained today. I feel as though I need sleep desperately. Almost as if sleep will change things and I will wake up and everything will be as it should be or as I wish it to be. I feel very weak best described as drained.

My talk is prepared I know the message I want to deliver - A round trip ticket, the meaning of my talk will be "Did we do all we could to ensure we have a round trip ticket?" And each day we prepare for are we ensuring a round trip ticket? I'm going to stop by the airline counters Monday on my way to Miami to see if I can't grab a bunch of the airline ticket jackets to pass out during my talk. I hope I am able to deliver my talk it should be good. I am making sure though that I write it out completely in case I am unable to give it I would like Robert to give it.

I cried all morning long. Not for my mother but for myself, for my daughters for those of us that will still be here. I will miss moms funny ways. I think what I will miss the most is her faith. Her faith if God, her faith in all things. Every time I saw my mom over the past 10 years or so she would always say to me I prayed for you, I prayed for you for your work. I prayed for you and Robert. I prayed for Danielle and whatever she felt she was troubled by and she would pray for Dayna and her needs. I have to say I was always grateful.

Mom hasn't left us yet but we know it is a matter of days. I met with my sister and brother for the first time in nearly a month. Jenn texts Fred asking to meet with us at moms side. She asked he come alone. He did. I could barely look at my brother. The anger I feel at him for being so blind to the things happening around him. When my sister and I need him to be strong, to be the patriarch in our family and hes failed us. He turns his back on us and tells me I am no longer his family. I can't forget. It is not mine to forgive and forget I will never do. I feel for him because one day he will wake up and see. One day when he is faced with so much he will remember he does have a family one that never failed him. He failed us.

Fridays

Fridays are always good days its the last day of the working week. Its the day you celebrate the weekend. Its the day you look forward to all week. So why doesn't it ever work out that way for me? Just yesterday I was talking to Tricia at work about how I hadn't had one of my swelling episodes only for me to wake up today and feel like crap. Then to look in the mirror and see not one but two swollen eyes. How can this be? What the heck is causing this. Why is this happening? I've gone to the doctors, I've been tested and retested and nothing. Just another dose of pills, sprays and inhalers.

I think that for so long now its been about everyone but me. For months now its been about my mom and my constant fight with her care and whats being done or actually whats not being done. My anger at the situation and the people involved.

I've been so wrapped up in the Utah house and everything that is going on there. Missed deadlines, contractors good and bad, the financial toll its taken on us. We didn't plan on Robert having to live there for 2 months to get things done. Thank goodness Robert was understanding and able to stay there and work on the house day and night. I know he did everything in his power to make things happen even with me screaming day and night.

Then there is my job. Where do I begin there. The pressure there is mounting. Oh when does it all end? It does end right? This can't be all that life is? Maybe it is..... wow that's not even funny.

Nothing to do with her but everything to do with her.

If you've seen the movie then you know what I'm talking about. For the last several months my sister and I have entered the twilight zone and have been living in another world. The world of the Hand That Rocked Their Cradle is what we call it. A few blogs ago I talked about my brother calling my sister and I early one Saturday morning to let us know that our mother has been given days to live. We were told that it would not be more than a month. My mother has been in rehab for the past 3 months recovering from a quadruple bypass. Shes been sick for the past year but she was recovering. We didn't understand but dropped everything and drove down to Carlsbad.

That day will change our lives forever. Not for the reasons you think. Yes we rushed to the facility my mother was in and yes we kept a vigilant stay with my mother for the following days but its what happened in those days that followed that has changed our lives forever. Nothing to do with my mother but everything to do with her.

My mother is the glue that kept out family together. The reason we spoke to each other, the reason we gathered at holidays, graduations, football games and Sunday dinners. Like most mothers when you asked her what she wanted for any given holiday her reply would be to see my 3 kids and all my grand kids together. At her request we gathered often.

My sister and I never thought much of this as we often gathered just because. Our children grew up together and very few pictures of our children were of them alone they usually included all (hers and mine). My brother often came up for a weekend or we would go down to his house and would spend the weekend. Our kids all spent holidays, vacations and weekends together. My girls loved their uncle he was the cool uncle for all the kids. He would take them to the beach and surf with them, Mexico surf trips with his nephew, shopping trips with his nieces, cruising in his convertible. He had all the cool toys and did all the cool things. Then one day it all ended.

The kids weren't allow to go to their uncles house, there were suddenly rules of when you could eat and how much you could eat. There were rules of when you could come over and when they "were not receiving guest". There were rules - ones that never made sense except to the person giving the orders.

Almost done

Can you believe we're still working on the remodel in Utah. Have you heard the saying that there are a few things in life that can break a marriage and a remodel is one of them. Believe you me there is truth in those words.

I can't believe what Robert and I have gone thru. Its been a long and very bumpy road. I had no idea the scope of work and the difficulty working with contractors. We've been screwed sideways, left to right and right to left. But one thing is for sure our eyes are wide open now.

The worst part about our contracting issues have been that they were related to Robert which really made it hard to swallow for Robert. He just refused to believe that his own family would screw him like they did but oh they did and how. Took our money and never completed the work - Left us scrambling for another contractor to come in and finish what they started. So another 5K out the window to have someone else come in and fix the mess.

Its been a long road but hopefully one that is just about over.

The past week

WOW what a week. Last saturday we got a call from Fred that the doctors are giving mom weeks if not days before she will be leaving us. Jennifer and I rushed down to see mom. Since then we've kept daily visits and have tried to spend as much time as we can with her. She at moments seems as though she is doing better and coming back but then we have days when we see her suffering and want her to be happy and move to the next world.

Within the same week we've had Riannes wedding. We've had family and friend coming in from all over. Danielle and Dayna are both home, Eliah and his wife Louise are also here with us from New Zealand. Troy has also been with us the whole week and Joe (Rianne's new husband) friend from Utah has been with us all week.

The wedding activites started Tuesday night with Dinner then wednesday we had the temple sealing and photos at the temple following a photo session at the Hotel we had dinner with the entire wedding party. Friday we did it all again with the reception. In between all of this I stayed at the hospital with mom as much as I could. My thinking there was that I'm back to work on Monday and will be very limited to when I can spend the night. I'm struggling with this only because I know I need to be there. I've also considered taking time off from work.

I really wish I had time to spend with the girls while they were home but that didn't happen as Danielle was really good about making time for the family and visiting grandma as often as she could. I really love and admire her devotion to her family. I don't know what I would do without her. Dayna had a friend here as well. She was busy and torn between trying to show her friend a good time and making the most of things with the family. I would have liked her to spend more time with grandma, I know her heart was there with her.

Its been a long week. I'm really tired - I'll write more later. Here are a few pics of the wedding.

Riannes Shower

Riannes shower was Saturday July 28th.

To see all the photos of the shower visit Here

The Utah remodel continues.....

What you are looking at are photos of the progress of our Utah remodel. We're alittle behind schedule at this time but seem to be moving along. Robert has been up there for the entire week. The first photo is of the kitchen the photo directly under it is after the drywall repairs have been made and the floor completely redone. Robert tells me that when they went to lift off the old flooring the floor boards below were completed rotten so they had to reinforce the floor before they could put the new tile down.

Read an article this morning on the advertising woes of the newspaper world and how the Real Estate slump is causing a down ward spiral with regards to the losses they are feeling as most of the Real Estate world moves to online marketing. I found the article to be interesting in that there are still so many agents that have not caught on to fact that they need to be found on line. Their online marketing is just as important as their print marketing and yet I still have reps who visit various offices and find that there are some agents that still don't respond to email. One of my reps just sold an office of agents and had to go in and set up email address's for them because there were a few agents that still didn't have an email address. I'm not sure but what do you think they've been doing for the past few years? How does anyone survive without at least an email address and if you are in business how do you survive without a website? I just don't get it.

Lots going on

Its been a long week. I'm exhausted can't even think straight. Maybe another day.

Always watching the market.....

I read an article today on the declining real estate market and which cities are most likely going to be hit the hardest with declining prices. Interesting enough our little city was not listed. Long Beach and Irvine were listed due to their inflated prices over the past 5 years. I think it's just absolutely crazy that homes that were $400K in Newport Beach just 8 to 10 years ago are now $1.2 million or somewhere near there. It just dosn't make sense, that nearly the exact same house one zip code over is $500K less. One zip code meaning one street over.

Back to the Shower

Ok so I've pretty much nailed down what I want to do with the whole shower thing. I've put the table settings out to get a visual of what I might be missing or need to work on. What do you think? I have these really cute little flip flop candles (there in pick) and the white little picket fence will have little rose buckets that I found at Trader Joes. The table clothe you see is not the one's I'll be using. That is actually the one that will be on the cake table. Where I will have pick orchids and shells all spread around the cake. The green little mugs will have brown and green Jelly Bellys (color of the wedding) with little scoopers in them so people can take some home with them in the green little flower bag (far left in the photo). For food I am ordering from a place a friend of mine recommended here in Newport. Sole BBQ. I've purchased one of those Quick tents to place a tables under for shade and will decorate that up a bit. I plan on buying a chandelier to add but not sure if that will be a bit over the top since it is more of a beach/summer time theme. I just really loved the chandeliers.

Working on the Utah house day 2

Robert spent the week in Utah working on the house. Here is a picture of the new french doors not quite done but nearly and the new deck. Hopefully it should be completed within the next week. I'm having a hard time with the remodel of the house only because I catch myself wanting to put in things I know I would like to have in my home and have to remind myself that this is a rental and there is a budget for the remodel that does not include personal likes and dislikes. So then I have to back off and think about cost and enduring the use and abuse of renters and college kids. The property is actually a great rental house. The people that lived in it when we bought the home were 4 guys that worked at the Hospital and U of U. They had lived there for over 4 years and wanted to stay. Robert's met all the neighbors which is nice. We need to remember to give them our home and cell numbers for emergencies.

The kitchen cabinets were ordered and the all the electrical supplies have been purchased to be worked on and completed within the next few days. I'm hoping that when I get there next Saturday I will see huge changes.

I'm looking for a front door that will compliment the french door and the rest of the house. I've always been told that the front door set the tone of the house and should be a place that good money is spent. Robert is concerned for safety issues thinking that if we put something with glass anyone can break in and rob the girls blind. I really don't understand that since the first thing he did was put in french door at the front of the house??? Not seeing the difference there but oh well I will give it some thought as I look around.

Utah house day 1

Robert is in Utah this week working on our house. We purchased a small house close to the University for Dayna to live in while attending the U. We followed the first rule of Real Estate investing and bought the smallest house in the biggest neighborhood. We feel really good about it. It's definitely a fixer upper but with help of family we should get this project completed in no time. The house is a 2 bedroom 1 bath on a good size lot. Very centrally located in Salt Lake City. Because of my work schedule I'm having to work on the project via email and calls. Not a very easy process since between Robert and I, I am the one with more rehab/remodel experience.

Here is a picture of the bathroom which is my choice of where to start as far as remodeling. The project will call for toilet replacement, tile floors, refinish cabinets (white) or replacement not sure if the cost warrants replacement. New fixtures and re glaze the tub. Again not sure if replacement would be better and will have to rely on the experts to tell me so. Updated lighting and replacement of the mirror.

It's a good size bathroom with closet space on the wall that is not shown. With new flooring and new fixtures it should look great with very little cost.

We had french doors put in to add more curb appeal. The house is very small and eventually we want to add a second floor but the priority for this summer is to get it in to shape in time for Dayna's first semester.

The second picture is my drawings of what I would like to see done. French doors leading out to a wrap around deck. Two carriage lights placed on each side of the doors and a light window placed above the doors. From what I understand from my phone call with Robert last night. Jr was able to put the doors in last night. I'm excited to see the next set of pictures.

Wedding stuff

Today I'm working on wedding things for Riannes wedding. As I was organizing my thoughts and to do list this morning I realized that this is my one and only niece getting married. This is the one time I will get to host a bridal shower, help plan without being a part, share in the excitement and be a part of her big day and not be so stressed out I can't think past the next 15 minutes. WOW the thought of this made me so excited. I hadn't thought of it that way and suddenly it hit me. Nothing can be to big, to difficult, to much or too small. This is it and so I will give Rianne the best, the best of my time, the best of my idea's, the best of everything I can.

I'm trying not to inject my opinions unless asked which is really really hard for me. Jen has done a great job of being organized and staying true to Rianne and who she is with the theme of the wedding and to be considerate of all involved. Ok on to the good stuff.....

Here is my morning project, what do you think?


I've taken a picture stem and placed the table cards on it. Jen is going to have all the table identified by Beach's at the reception. I also took brown and green (the wedding colors) raffia and tied it along with a sea shell to each card. I am then going to place 2 beach pictures of Joe and Rianne on the holder and place one stem on each table. This card happens to read Dana Point. I think its ads to the theme and just gives it something extra. Too much?

The picture stem I found at TJMaxx one of my favorite stores. The cards are just regular card stock and the shells are from various vacations we've collected shells from. We have bowls of the around the house. I think I'll print the cards and have the bridesmaids glue the shells and tie the Raffia. It's an easy enough project that they can all do it together. Or maybe I'll just do it and get it out of the way. We'll see I'm on to my nest project.

Favors for the bridal shower. Tell me what you think. I found these great gift boxes at a Hawaiian fabric shop. Then I went to Michaels and picked up a couple of flowers that were in sale bin and picked off just the flower part. I then bought a bag of jewels and gems and place one in the middle of each flower.

Alergies....

I haven't been feeling well lately and have the strangest reaction to something. I've gone to the doctors several times and out of total frustration have even switched primary doctors because I can't believe there isn't some cure for what is going on. I'm desperate.

A couple of month ago I started waking up with a swollen eye. My first reaction was "oh a bug bit me". Well then it happened again shortly there after. I then thought ok I'm allergic to something so I quickly changed all my sheets, pillows and cleaned my room since I thought this had to be the source since I was waking up with swollen eyes. I then cleaned all my makeup brushes, then started to note any changes I had made over the past 3 months like shampoo, soap, laundry soap just anything.

Then the swelling started to move from the lower eye lid to the upper eyelid then from one eye to another. Needless to say 3 months later here I am with the same darn thing and it seems to be getting worse. Now both eyes will swell the last bout happened after I woke up and arrived to work. Suddenly while sitting at my desk and talking with Tricia I could feel my eye starting to swell in a matter of minutes.

My new doctor has given me 2 prescriptions, a nasal spray and a website to visit and follow their instructions. http://www.nationalallergy.com/ My instructions were to make changes as discussed. Can you believe this. What the heck after 3 months this is the cure they give me. OHHHH i just want to scream. So to start with I throw out all of our pillows and buy all new ones. Ok so I only bought 2 new ones Helllllllooooo they were not cheap. I had no idea we had 9 pillows on our bed alone.

Robert is happy to know that most likely I am not allergic to him as I had originally thought. I actually had a girlfriend that was allergic to her boyfriend. True Story. It was actually their body fluids that didn't match so they had to break up. Ever since then I've always teased Robert when I'm not feeling well that I'm allergic to him. He's a good sport and just laughs at me and then lets me have the bed all to myself.

Next on my list is a new bed. Apparently well at least the excuse I'm using. We're on a queen now and I've wanted to California King but our mattress is only 3 years old and I couldn't see buying a new mattress when all the mattress's in the house are less than 4 years old. Now with this and having to furnish the Utah house I have my perfect excuse. Off I go to Mattress World.

4th of July

4th of July was spent on my sisters boat in Newport Beach. What a great view of the fireworks. I actually took my first trip to sea on their boat. I usually request that we stay within the Marina but it was a holiday and I felt like being a little adventurous so off we went. I did fairly well as long as I could see the shoreline. I have to admit at one point I got a little tired and closed my eyes and leaned on Robert and quickly sat up. I started to get a little queasy. Not very good sea mate I've decided. Oh well it was fun and I made it through it.

Robert bbq'd and I made potato salad and of all things Jen made jello salad I was quite proud of her she never makes that sort of thing, she did however make her Kahlua pork. Dayna made little heart red white and blue cakes that were very good. Sina and her kids were there so it was a full boat. We ended the night with our annual 4th of July trivia game and then the Newport Dunes fireworks show.

Monday Mornings

Monday Mornings are always the same lately. I make a list of tasks to be completed this week and then realize I didn't do half of what I wanted to do over the weekend. I have to get to the doctors for testing and I keep putting it off. I'm not sure why and you would think all I have to do is look at my mother and get my rear to the doctors but I don't. Robert and I agreed that we would start exercising. I even went as far to get 2 new bicycles (one stationary and one riding bike) but haven't really used either. Oh and did I mention that I'm paying for a gym membership for over 2 years that I haven't seen in exactly 2 years.

Ok today I will promise to use one of those bikes and I will cancel my gym membership since I know I will never really go. I mean honestly, lets face it the only thing I liked about the gym was the treadmill and bikes and I have both at home. Ok I've talked myself into it. That's $432 I will be saving a year. WOW I like the sound of that. :) Ok off to work.

Saturday a busy day

The day started with a 5AM trip to the airport to drop our most recent house guest off. Robert had family visiting us while their son was attending a summer football clinic at USC. They arrived the same day Robert's cousin Harry and Susan (from England) left us on their way to visit Harry's mom in Samoa. This officially opens the summer season at Casa de Purcell. From this point on it will be a whirlwind of family and friends for the summer. I've already had to put together a calendar of who will be coming when. I first have to always check with the girls and see what their schedule will be, with both living away from home its hard to tell but the worst feeling I imagine would be to come home for a visit only to find out your room has been given to someone else so I try and plan accordingly.

Sina had a garage sale today at Jens house. I went over early to help. After we all met up at the little Mexican place around the corner from my house (Dave's favorite spot) I arrived a little late, Curtis also joined the group for lunch as well. Haven't seen him in a while. I think he looks older and older every time I see him. He loves to point out that I am older (only by a few weeks) but none the less it still makes me officially older which he takes great delight in.

Later in the afternoon Dayna and I went bridesmaid dress shopping. She is always a good sport about this kind of stuff she tends to be a no nonsense kinda shopper- one stop shopping for her. Went to Macy's at South Coast Plaza (Fashion Island at this time of the day seemed too far) (ok its an extra 5 minutes but it was late in the day and I was actually too tired but it was task that had to get done today.

Here is what we found what do you think? Rianne's wedding colors are Green and Brown. The sash on Rianne's white wedding dress will be brown. I think the brown dress will compliment that, what do you think? They were both about $160 at Macys.

Wayna's World

Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this. Actually I've wanted to do this for some time but just didn't think I would have a thing to say. I've been reading others for quite some time and have become involved like watching a weekly TV show, well not that bad I will admit I do check in every other week or maybe every 10 days or so. Anyways so here I am. I've been asked to do a couple of blogs for work and have stayed away from them only because I thought how can I sound witty and smart. I finally realized waiting for that day I suddenly become smart and witty was like waiting to win the lottery (chance of this slim and none) so here I am.

I have so many things going on in my life right now. With 2 daughters (Dayna and Danielle) and a husband (Robert) I find myself always concerned with their well being. Both the girls live away from home now and so its just Robert and I at home - oh wait did I say just no that's not true either. Robert has a VERY large family spread Thu out the world and it seems that we have a revolving door of house guest. Its summer time right now and since we live minutes away from the beach as one family departs we have another coming in. I'm putting up a calendar for room reservations so that we don't give the girls rooms away when they would like to come home. Which has already happened.

My niece Rianne is getting married in 2 months and that has definitely put our world into a spin. My poor sister has been given the task of making this the wedding of the century for her husband and making it the non materialistic, earth friendly event her daughter so dreams of. Oi I don't know how she will pull that off but I have to admit running around with her has been fun and I've realized we have don't have nearly enough saved for Danielle's wedding.

Well I'm off another day at work. Should be interesting.