Round trip ticket

I'm writing my talk today to give at my mothers funeral. I don't know why I felt it important to do today but I know the end is coming and I feel a strong urge to be prepared. I guess being prepared some where in my mind equates to being strong. I can tell you that I feel very mentally drained today. I feel as though I need sleep desperately. Almost as if sleep will change things and I will wake up and everything will be as it should be or as I wish it to be. I feel very weak best described as drained.

My talk is prepared I know the message I want to deliver - A round trip ticket, the meaning of my talk will be "Did we do all we could to ensure we have a round trip ticket?" And each day we prepare for are we ensuring a round trip ticket? I'm going to stop by the airline counters Monday on my way to Miami to see if I can't grab a bunch of the airline ticket jackets to pass out during my talk. I hope I am able to deliver my talk it should be good. I am making sure though that I write it out completely in case I am unable to give it I would like Robert to give it.

I cried all morning long. Not for my mother but for myself, for my daughters for those of us that will still be here. I will miss moms funny ways. I think what I will miss the most is her faith. Her faith if God, her faith in all things. Every time I saw my mom over the past 10 years or so she would always say to me I prayed for you, I prayed for you for your work. I prayed for you and Robert. I prayed for Danielle and whatever she felt she was troubled by and she would pray for Dayna and her needs. I have to say I was always grateful.

Mom hasn't left us yet but we know it is a matter of days. I met with my sister and brother for the first time in nearly a month. Jenn texts Fred asking to meet with us at moms side. She asked he come alone. He did. I could barely look at my brother. The anger I feel at him for being so blind to the things happening around him. When my sister and I need him to be strong, to be the patriarch in our family and hes failed us. He turns his back on us and tells me I am no longer his family. I can't forget. It is not mine to forgive and forget I will never do. I feel for him because one day he will wake up and see. One day when he is faced with so much he will remember he does have a family one that never failed him. He failed us.